Emotional First Aid: Grounding Techniques & Crisis Tools 

Losing a loved one to suicide or a drug-related death is a traumatic experience, and the grief that follows can feel overwhelming. As queer people, the pain of bereavement may be complicated by additional layers of stigma, exclusion, and disenfranchised grief. Having effective tools and grounding techniques can provide essential support during the early days of grief.

Emotional first aid is a form of immediate psychological support designed to help individuals manage distressing emotions, reestablish a sense of safety, and regain control over their reactions in the face of overwhelming emotions. It is not a substitute for therapy, but it serves as a critical intervention for those who find themselves amid a crisis. 

Below, we will explore practical and compassionate strategies to help manage the pain of bereavement, particularly following a traumatic loss.

Grounding Techniques: Reconnecting to the Present Moment

Grounding techniques are simple but powerful tools that help individuals regain a sense of control when emotions become overwhelming. They are especially useful in moments of acute distress or when emotions suddenly become too intense to manage. 

Here are some grounding techniques that can be effective:

a) The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise

This exercise involves focusing on your five senses to reconnect to the present moment and redirect your mind from overwhelming emotions. It works by anchoring you to your surroundings:

• 5: Name five things you can see around you.
• 4: Name four things you can touch.
• 3: Name three things you can hear.
• 2: Name two things you can smell.
• 1: Name one thing you can taste.

This simple practice can help slow down the racing thoughts and bring your attention back to the present, offering some relief from emotional chaos. Spend some time noticing how the light falls on a leaf, or an object that catches your eye or ear; this will help to ground you in the moment.  Don’t worry if you forget the earlier things, it’s not a memory task, but an exercise to focus you elsewhere so that the anxious feelings can subside. 

b) Breathing

Breathing exercises are a proven and effective way to calm the nervous system, reduce anxiety, and restore the body to a state of balance.  Regulating the breath will slow everything down, including your heart rate and your thoughts. Here is the 4-7-8 method:

• Inhale for 4 counts.
• Hold your breath for 7 counts.
• Exhale for 8 counts.

Repeat this cycle several times. As you breathe in and out, imagine the stress leaving your body with each exhalation, and visualise calmness entering with every breath you take. This can help soothe overwhelming feelings and clear your mind. 

c) A Body Scan

The body scan exercise involves focusing on each part of your body and noticing any sensations, tension, or discomfort that you may experience. It allows you to reconnect with your physical self, which can be grounding during moments of emotional overwhelm. 

Lie down if possible and start from your toes, working your way up to your head. Connect with each body part for a few seconds and gently notice how each area feels. If you feel tension, try breathing into that area and consciously relaxing it.  You may be surprised how tense your muscles are, or how you are holding your hands in fists.  Melt into the floor or surface supporting you.  

d) Safe Place Visualisation

Find a quiet space where you can relax, close your eyes, and imagine a place where you feel completely safe and at peace. This could be somewhere you’ve been before or an imaginary place that brings you comfort.  It could be a beach, a forest, or a room filled with light. Take a few moments to be in this space, allowing it to bring comfort and calmness to your emotional state.  If you have a picture or photo of a place, it might be helpful to keep a cutout or photo with you to use as a touchstone, as well as visualising it in your mind’s eye. 

Crisis Tools: Managing Acute Grief and Emotional Distress

In the early stages of grief, emotional distress can be intense and unpredictable. While grounding techniques help bring immediate relief, putting in place ‘crisis tools’ or a safety plan can provide a broader support system to cope with the emotional rollercoaster of grief.

a) Support Networks and Trusted Allies

When navigating grief, it is essential to have a support system. This support may come from biological or chosen family members, friends, or peers within the community who understand your loss and can offer comfort. Trusted allies can provide comfort, offer emotional validation, and help you process your grief without judgment, allowing you to move forward with confidence.

• Grief Groups: Participating in support groups, specifically for the LGBTQ+ community, who have experienced similar losses, can be an important tool. These groups offer validation and create a space to share your grief with others who understand the unique dynamics of your loss. 
• Therapeutic Support: Grief is a complex and personal process, and therapy provides a safe space to explore and process the emotions associated with it. Therapists who specialise in grief, trauma, or working within the LGBTQ+ community can provide tools to work through complicated emotions like guilt, anger, or sadness.

Journaling can help process and release intense feelings. Write about your thoughts, memories of your loved one, or how you’re feeling at the moment. It’s not about creating a polished narrative but about giving yourself the freedom to express your pain, sorrow, or confusion. Journaling also allows you to reflect on your feelings in a way that can sometimes be difficult to do verbally.

c) Affirmations for Healing

Affirmations are positive statements that can help reframe negative thoughts. These can be especially important when battling feelings of guilt or shame. Some examples include:

• “I am allowed to grieve in my own way.”
• “My pain is valid, and my feelings matter.”
• “I am not alone in this; support is available.”

Repeating these affirmations can help ease self-judgment and create space for self-compassion during your grieving process.

Long-Term Emotional Resilience

While these tools and techniques can provide immediate relief, long-term emotional resilience is built through self-compassion, support, and a continued commitment to your healing process. Remember that grieving is a non-linear process, and it’s important to honour each step, no matter how small. Healing takes time, and it is okay to seek help when needed.